Why So Many People Won#8217;t Talk to You, if You Aren#8217;t a Wireless Phone (Part II)

Why So Many People Won8217t Talk to You, if You Aren8217t a Wireless Phone (Part II) Why So Many People Won8217t Talk to You, if You Aren8217t a Wireless Phone (Part II) Because of such technology, people who are physically distant are treated as though they are near, while most of those who are physically near, e.g., at a bus stop, in a hostel or in an elevator, are treated as though they are distant, out of view, out of mind and out of bounds- except for those already admitted into ones digitally-welded, pre-existing social (media) circle.Here, in Part II, the reasons listed in Part I for the massive disconnect with the mass of other menschengerechtity are explored in greater detail1. The rise of the cyborgs and other machines The machines have spoken- they, e.g., iPhones, computers and iPads, are mora interesting than we are, so when we are given a forced choice between spending time with a new iPhone and a new person, the machine wins. Ask any kid given the choice between sayin g hello to a visitor or continuing to play his computer game.The extreme manifestation of this is trans-humanism, in which human perfection is a blending of man and cyborgish add-ons, surrogates or prosthetics that make humans seem lame and the gleaming machine an ideal to aspire to. Movies like Iron Man are the tip of this steel-and-chromeberg.As a result, ordinary humans- especially those notlage already in ones inner circle- seem boring, limited and otherwise imperfect.In fact, it may be argued that the only reason our friends we phone do not seem equally boring is that they give us one more excuse to use or celebrate our wireless phones, or because their participation is required for some of its applications, just as many kids computer games still, but perhaps only temporarily, require other human rivals or partners.2. Stranger danger The more strangers there are, the greater the number, if not percentage, of real or imagined psychopaths in the bevlkerung and the larger the anon ymous crowd into which they can blend and hide.Add sensationalized news coverage of the nut jobs and criminals to the fearful mix, which ensures that stranger conceptually and emotionally morphs to strangler.Hence, time on a mobile phone is perceived as a safer choice than time chatting with a stranger, especially more fun than the time spent on making 911 calls about the weird ones. Ditto for digital social media like Facebook or Skype.In fact, these digital technologies are now laminated onto or compete with each other to create an even thicker security blanket. Mike Lewthwaite, 24, manager of the St. Andrews Tourist Hostel (where I was comfortably ensconced for the New Year holiday, in St. Andrews, Scotland, 2013), expressed his puzzlement at how young women in local pubs will ask for a guys Facebook page, rather than a phone number (at least in part, it seems, to confirm identity, credibility and innocuousness).The embedded (digital) message Your Facebook page is more you than y ou are, stranger.3. Time stress In an economy in which money muscle means money hustle, time is micro-managed. As digital technology makes contacting those we already know easier, it also makes it more professionally or socially obligatory as prescribed digital etiquette, since easier communication not only allows, but also demands more frequent communication.Hence, for every minute a mobile phone saves, theres probably one it uses up in the process of social or job-network maintenance/lubrication and making those one already knows feel special.In any case, there are obvious tradeoffs, in terms of time saved, gained and lost. Such time stress and tradeoffs leave little to no time for strangers- anywhere, anytime.4. Increased conversational and social control There is brilliant underlying social engineering embodied in a mobile phone. It increases control over ones social interactions to levels hard to reach in face-to-face conversation.For example, all manner of unchallengeable excu ses for terminating a conversation become available when the talk switches from face-to-face to place-to-place phone-mediated talk, since disproving that you are walking into a meeting (when you arent) is all but impossible in phone conversations. (However, some control is lost in having no place to hide from the technology, even after work.)5. Homogenization and trivialization of strangers As Ive argued elsewhere, we have become social victims of our economic successes. The triumph of 20th-century democracy and capitalism has not only leveled many playing fields, but has also made the players more indistinguishable from each other.What seems like eons ago, interacting with strangers who didnt appear to be dangerous previously held some promise of a mini-adventure, since there were expected differences in outlook, education, life experience, values, possessions and interests associated with them, kinds of books enjoyed, pastimes and hobbies, travel stories and venues, etc.In those p erhaps over-romanticized days, there was an easily imagined opportunity cost associated with not engaging a safe-looking stranger when there was absolutely nothing else to do under the circumstances (except silently stand in line, sit on a bench, look out a bus window at the rain, stare at the elevator buttons, etc.).Thats completely changed Now, the homogenization of human types and talents, through mass higher education, mass-media and marketing-driven personality shaping, easy and affordable access to the saatkorn mass-marketed toys (such as iPhones, SUVs, running shoes, a safari in Kenya, a masters degree), and the standardization of the appetite for and response to the entertainment culture have made the prospect of talking with a stranger generally unintriguing, unexciting, unentertaining, and neither exotic nor adventurous.More commonly, that stranger is now seen as boringly familiar and therefore predictable at best or an annoyance, a burden an invalidating, trivializing clo ne of oneself, a distraction, a competitor, or, worse, a menacing maniac or exhausting parasite.6. Intolerance and fear of homogeneity Sure, like Chinese senior citizens whose homogeneous circumstances and uniform taste for mahjong and cards fill the many tables in the many lovely parks throughout China (illustrated below), strangers can come together precisely because of, rather than in spite of, the perceived homogeneity of their interests and objectives- including for the purpose of mutually validating their homogeneous identities, opportunities and circumstances.But that works better in a culture in which homogeneity and being the same as others is not only well-tolerated, but also valued.It works less well in more individualistic (or narcissistic) societies like many of those in the West, in which not only do so many individuals want to be precisely that- and not just individuals, but also special individuals who want to feel special, and preferably unique, by associating only with special (but not weird) individuals or groups (such as a Facebook circle).In highly individualistic cultures, the encroachment of homogenization as a threat to specialness of identity and experience is, where not strenuously resisted, assiduously exploited, e.g., in tattoo or Goth subcultures, which fight the homogeneity of appearance and values through artistic novelty of design and innovative technique, while exploiting the sameness for the purposes of specialness by excluding any stranger easily identifiable as outside the subculture.Ironically, the same exclusion can apply to a stranger who far from being outside the subcultural inner circle is clearly within it. In that case, such a like-minded, like-looking stranger may be shunned because of the trivializing, invalidating effect it has on ones presumptively special, yet fragile identity.For example, this kind of thinking and behavior typifies the instinctive distancing, non-engaging, resentful response of many overseas tr avelers to other compatriot Cinderellas who show up at the same travel ball, e.g., trekking the Himalayas, as trivializing, and therefore invalidating clones.Its much better for ones ego to tell others back home about ones special experience by phone or email, since they will not be on hand to trivialize it by making it less rare. Interaction with strangers is desirable only to the extent that they validate, rather than trivialize us.7. Customization of strangers Ironically, concurrent with the boredom of homogenization of tastes and lifestyle toys is the chore of dealing with the customization of these, in the form of niche or merely radically different interests and other lifestyle dimensions.As the technological and marketing flip-side of mass homogenization, mass customization (brilliantly anticipated by Alvin Toffler in his now-classic Future Shock) creates huge numbers of strangers to whom we can relate only by making an equally huge effort to do so.The guy sitting next to you on the train reading Credit Default Swaps and Other Derivatives has a niche interest that probably hasnt interested you and never will, especially if youre reading Arts and Crafts for Kids.Making the effort to change that seems to be too much of a chore, so, you remain silent, and return to your iPhone Google search, trout and bass fishing lures or history of Norwegian end tables.8. Superiority of digital to face-to-face information flow A traditional benefit of talking face-to-face with strangers was the information they had- Excuse me, where can I find a blacksmith?. No longer. The smart phones information access, including detailed maps and street views, dwarfs the archives of the average human mind, including the minds of travelers.Thats another reason why, these days, hostel guests seem to interact much less than one would expect. Compounding the disconnect on the supply side (in virtue of a much larger and better supply of online information than of private anecdotal knowledg e) is the demand-side drawback of asking strangers for information Asking has come to seem suspicious, lazy or old, as a dated, obsolete alternative to rubbing the iPhone magic lamp for answers and wish fulfillment.Ironically, digital talk is often superior to face-to-face for the opposite reason It provides less, rather than more babble, e.g., in text messaging, which generally spares the reader the endless Im likes of modern youth-talk.9. Diminishing marginal utility of strangers Ive said it before and will say it again (having first said it when I was a teenager) People are like fractions- the more you multiply them, the smaller they get. Besides causing disconnects with and disregard of strangers, the smart phones popularity may, ironically, be a consequence of precisely these two distancers, viz., disconnection and disregard.Tuning out of strangers because there are too many of us may drive iPhone purchases as much as being driven by them. An independent variable driving both m ay be high- often absurdly high- population densities the higher the population density, the bigger the disconnect and the greater the disregard.Lower population densities and smaller total local population may be a factor in the incredible friendliness of the Scots toward strangers (including and not only me). With a total population of less than 6 million and smaller than New York Citys, Scotland (as well as Ireland) has a demographic framework highly conducive to the survival of a village mind set.The Scots and the Irish are uniformly (and here I mean 100% in my six weeks experience in Scotland and Irelands small towns and big cities during my 2013 visit) hospitable, relaxed, curious and friendly. One possible reason for this is that they seem to have healthy vestiges of the kind of village mind so prevalent among the comparably friendly mainland Chinese.The latter, despite migrations to Chinas huge population centers, retain (for now, at least) their village values, personalitie s and enjoyment (or at least civil acceptance) of the existence of another human- even if (s)hes a stranger.(The only exceptions in my 2013 half-year travels in these countries were one cranky drunk on a Glasgow bus and a nutty old woman demanding money for taking a photo of someone elses water buffalo in Yangshuo, China.)Given the choice between having an iPhone or the chance to meet a Scottish, Irish or Chinese villager, Id take that chanceespecially since it would be offered by them.