9 steps to the confident hire me handshake

9 steps to the confident hire me flosseshake9 steps to the confident hire me handshakeA handshake is how we communicate our first impressions at work. Theyre how otherbei people take our measure, and they tell others whether were confident or faking it. (Hello, sweaty hands).We often dont think about the handshake as a complex set of behavioral tasks, but Denise Dudley, clinical psychologist and author of Work It Get in, Get Noticed, Get Promoted, does and she has broken this critical task for career success into the smallest components anyone of us can do.Its tactile because Im going to be hauching you, Dudley told Ladders. Its visual because youre going to be looking at me and assessing my face and eye contact. And its also auditory because Im going to be saying my name toyou or at least saying the words, hi or hello. Its a bunch of information condensed down to just a few seconds of interaction. Its how we do a quick assessment of who the other person is.Here is the definitive gen eral guide Dudley has studied on how you should handshake in the workplace in the United States1) StandNo matter whos who, older or younger, the best way to initiate a handshakeis to get on your feet and stand in front of the person, if your body is able, Dudley believes. It honors the person, its the polite thing to do. But more importantly, it puts you in the proper alignment to shake hands, she said.2) Square offYou then need to have your shoulders squared off to the person you want to shake hands with, so that you are facing them. When your shoulders are aligned, so are your sympathies.3) AimAimyour right hand towards their right hand and point your thumb towards their shoulder, so it keeps your palm open.As soon as the web of your skin touches theirs, you close your hand around theirs.4) SqueezeHeres the step where people trip up and make bad handshakes. People can wrongly performthe bone-crusher and squeeze too hard or they can imitate a dead fish andlimply let their hands be taken.A strong handshake, or a weak one, are notlage coincidences. Instead, theyre reliable body-language signals that tell us what peoples intentions are.Bone-crushing handshakes are an aggressive action that happen when people want to dominate you or want to remind you that they are more important than you. Dead-fish handshakes can be equally as bad because they make you a non-participant, and create the impression that you have no personal agencyand that you dont want to be doing this. They also make the person whose hand youre shaking feel as if you dont take them seriously and dont want to commit to anything.The best, perfect, hire me handshake is to close yourhand around theirhand and squeeze firmlybut gently, Dudley said. She recommends being on the gentler side if you notice the person is wearing rings on his or her hand.5) Pump your elbowThe pump needs to be executed from the elbow, Dudley said. We dont do a pump, an upward and downward motion, from our wrist because that i sjarring, and itlooks weird and it feels weird. And we dont want to do it from the shoulder. If you initiate a handshake from your shoulder, the see-saw actionwill yank people off of their feet, and you will come off as a domineering jerk. Instead, the shoulder should stay stable as the elbow moves.In the U.S., workers typically pump their hands three times on average, Dudley said, while in several Asian and South American cultures, the pumping hand can come with a slight bow.6) Make direct eye contactThis is a requirement. You must give people your undivided attention in this one moment. When we go for a handshake, we look directly in the eyes of the person were shaking hands with- and nowhere else. Its a rule that cant be broken, Dudley said. You dont look at the next person youre going to shake hands with, you dont look down, you look right in their eyes.In countries outside of the U.S., you may need to look down as a sign of respect, however. In Japan, infamously, too much eye c ontact can be read as a sign of aggression.7) Adopt a neutral or friendly facial expressionSome sort of pleasant facial expression is needed to turn agood handshake into a great one. Smiling is an easy accompaniment to get this across, but you should at least look pleasant, if you cant have a smile, Dudley said.This too has cultural implications smiles are rare in the U.K. and France when meeting someone for the first time, and in fact a big open smile there makes people think youre not that bright or youre easily fooled. Instead, keep an open, attentive, neutral face, which should work in nearly all countries.8) GreetingA handshake is not a silent ballet. While all of these unseen behaviors are happening in seconds, you have to keep in mind to say some sort of greeting or if its the first handshake, an introduction to who you are.There are advanced maneuvers like gently touching your other hand on top of your shaking hand as a sign of affection, but you should only do thisafter you ve met someone.Then there are people who go too farpeople who take their left hand and clamp it over their right hand thats shaking yours are not your friend- they want to make you feel trapped.9) Keep in mind the power dynamics of reciprocal touchHeres a harsh truth about humanity outside of family or very close friends, we touch people more when we think we have more power than they do.If you look at who touches whom in the world, children get touched a lot more than adults, women get touched more than men, students get touched more than teachers, patients get touched more than doctors. So in other words, who touches whom is a function of who believes they have the power in the interaction, Dudley said. We dont want to ever touch people in a way thats non-reciprocal, where they dont feel free totouch us back.That means that when we touch other people, especially at work, we need to make sure its in a way that they feel comfortable touching us back.High-fives and fist bumps are cre ative handshakes that are acceptable in the workplace because they can be reciprocated Theyre simply showing who my brothers and sisters and peeps are. Its a cultural bonding thing, Dudley said.Your supervisorpatting you on the back for a job well done, however, is a non-reciprocal touch. You cant pat him on the back too, after all. This interaction, though well-meaning, is non-reciprocal because theres no way you the employee can pat them back in this power dynamic. Whether or not your touch can be reciprocated isthe overarchingdistinction that should guide what is acceptable and not at work.Those rules should help you master the handshake that gets you the job. Go forth and practice.